gonnawreckit | 300m [Voice]

Hey. Um, Luceti guys. I need to talk to all about something. I don't know exactly how to start off, but... You know what? I'll just get out with it.

What's the deal with kids around here? I don't want anything to do with 'em, but at the rate they wind up trying to "be my friend", I'll wind up with a gaggle of 'em following me everywhere in no time! I don't get it. I try being nice. I try being mean. Nothing works in keeping 'em away from me! I'm not fit to do that much babysitting. I'm a bad guy for crying out loud!

I mean... okay, I'm not bad most of the time, and there is one kid I'm kinda lookin' out for. But that's it! That's where I want it to stop. Just one kid! That's my limit. I don't need any more of a headache from the rest of these little gremlins running around when there's a village full of responsible adults and oddly enough teenagers who should be able to handle them much better than me. So what is it? What's the secret, to getting brats to stay away from me?

[He really could care less about the lack of a filter.

And okay maybe you find him browsing the item shop for familiar items from video games, or going to watch Vanellope race at the Battle Dome.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Of course that's the scenario of Ralph's game. That's why Oswald said it. He's got a fair point, though.]

Hmmm... They won it. In a lottery.

A lottery. That's it. And they're just... letting me in? What's the catch?

There isn't one! They like you and think it must be cold sleepin' out in the dump, so they're lettin' you stay inside their big penthouse.

It's a little cold, but I'm... I was used to it. I guess that'd be nice, but... hey, how long could it last? How long until I break their things, even on accident, and I gotta deal with 'em crying and evicting me?

Uh... Yeahhh, I guess breaking their things might make 'm cry. [Another fair point. Guys who wreck stuff and little kids who have things they don't want wrecked don't exactly get along.]

Oh, but what if they use their remaining lottery money to get you a special room with... pillows? Lots and lots of pillows along the walls and the ceiling. Ooh, and bubblewrap around breakable little knick-knacks! That'd minimize the damage you could do, right?

[Rolling her eyes.]

Where's the fun in that?

C'mon, Longears! No one'd go through that much trouble for me, no matter how many coins or rupees they won! And it'd make me feel like I'm some patient at a hospital or something with everything wrapped up like that.

The simple, painless kind?

More like the slow and boring kind! Life's totally better in the fast lane!

It is well to make your acquaintance Mister Ralph. I find myself curious as to where you received your opinion of children.

It'd be pretty cozy, you've gotta admit. Anyway, you're missin' the point. [... What was the point again? Oh, right.]

When you've got people who like you, they'll do things to help you and make you feel better, so why chase 'm off? You'd do the same for them, right?

You're just letting all your extra frames of animation get to your head. In my game, kids always had fun spending an hour just getting up one flight of my game!

Umm... How about, they're rude and obnoxious and always stickin' their noses everywhere? Is that a good start?

Maybe I would. And maybe that's why I think what's best for them might not be with me. Heroes're a lot better at this kinda thing.

Yeah, but your game's older than dirt balls, Stinkbrain. [She glitches right out of the driver's seat, brushing off pixie stix dust from her hoodie.] Times are changing and stuff!

Can you not find one positive feature that you agree with?

Why don't you just try swatting the pests away? That usually works for me.

What, like... hitting them? That's the kind of line I'm trying not to cross here, bucko.

[Ralph sighs and wipes at his face with one hand, while leaning on her kart with the other.]

Yeah, changing into self-destruction! I didn't get you this thing so you could try to narrowly dodge game overs all the time.

Sometimes they're funny, I guess. Too trusting. That could get 'em in trouble.

Of course! But if you're determined to be a pacifist on the matter, then you could always try threatening them with death. And not that wimpy 'I'll kill you' bit- something far more imaginative for their minds to grasp.

Well, if you're trying to discourage them from talking to you, just keep this up. I'm sure it'll happen!

Death threats, yeah. That'll go over well. If they even take it seriously.

I really hope so - but you? You're still talking to me anyway, pipsqueak!

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oops, forgot- [voice] XD

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[voice] no problem lol it was assumed

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