gonnawreckit | 300m [Voice]

Hey. Um, Luceti guys. I need to talk to all about something. I don't know exactly how to start off, but... You know what? I'll just get out with it.

What's the deal with kids around here? I don't want anything to do with 'em, but at the rate they wind up trying to "be my friend", I'll wind up with a gaggle of 'em following me everywhere in no time! I don't get it. I try being nice. I try being mean. Nothing works in keeping 'em away from me! I'm not fit to do that much babysitting. I'm a bad guy for crying out loud!

I mean... okay, I'm not bad most of the time, and there is one kid I'm kinda lookin' out for. But that's it! That's where I want it to stop. Just one kid! That's my limit. I don't need any more of a headache from the rest of these little gremlins running around when there's a village full of responsible adults and oddly enough teenagers who should be able to handle them much better than me. So what is it? What's the secret, to getting brats to stay away from me?

[He really could care less about the lack of a filter.

And okay maybe you find him browsing the item shop for familiar items from video games, or going to watch Vanellope race at the Battle Dome.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hm... Bad guys are always tricky to handle, Oswald knows that much, but if he could get someone like the Mad Doctor to see the light and be a little more appreciative of friendship, there's hope for Ralph too.]

Maybe you need to think about it this way. Say the kids had a penthouse and you were livin' in the dump nextdoor. They'd definitely invite you over there. Now, doesn't that make ya feel a little better about them?

[And that's the scenario of his game. Sure, that's the kind of acceptance he wants, but kids come with that added responsibility. The more he looks after, the higher he's afraid his chances are of letting them down.]

Why would kids have their own penthouse?

[Of course that's the scenario of Ralph's game. That's why Oswald said it. He's got a fair point, though.]

Hmmm... They won it. In a lottery.

A lottery. That's it. And they're just... letting me in? What's the catch?

There isn't one! They like you and think it must be cold sleepin' out in the dump, so they're lettin' you stay inside their big penthouse.

It's a little cold, but I'm... I was used to it. I guess that'd be nice, but... hey, how long could it last? How long until I break their things, even on accident, and I gotta deal with 'em crying and evicting me?

Uh... Yeahhh, I guess breaking their things might make 'm cry. [Another fair point. Guys who wreck stuff and little kids who have things they don't want wrecked don't exactly get along.]

Oh, but what if they use their remaining lottery money to get you a special room with... pillows? Lots and lots of pillows along the walls and the ceiling. Ooh, and bubblewrap around breakable little knick-knacks! That'd minimize the damage you could do, right?

C'mon, Longears! No one'd go through that much trouble for me, no matter how many coins or rupees they won! And it'd make me feel like I'm some patient at a hospital or something with everything wrapped up like that.

It'd be pretty cozy, you've gotta admit. Anyway, you're missin' the point. [... What was the point again? Oh, right.]

When you've got people who like you, they'll do things to help you and make you feel better, so why chase 'm off? You'd do the same for them, right?

Maybe I would. And maybe that's why I think what's best for them might not be with me. Heroes're a lot better at this kinda thing.

Ehh, I guess so. Thing about kids is, they never do what's 'best' for 'm. Like eatin' their vegetables or doin' their homework. They just wanna have some fun.

And they can't just have fun somewhere else.

Kids have fun in the strangest places and with the strangest people. That's why they're kids!

They're weird little candy munchers alright. They just gotta learn what's good for them.

They'll have learned all about that when they're adults. 'Till then, it's up to the actual adults to teach 'm.

Well those actual adults can have a ball teaching 'em that. While I keep on keeping my distance.

You're just not listenin', are you? Kids do whatever they want, wherever they want and with whoever they want. Fact is, they want you. Only way to get rid of 'm is by seriously hurtin' 'm and I'm guessin' not even a bad guy like you would do that.

[He's got Ralph pegged as a big softy on the inside. If the guy's worrying he'll break the kids' stuff, he won't harm them.]

You might be guessing right.

300m [Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice] 1/2

[Voice] 2/2

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]

[Voice]